Duck Duck Cougar?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
