You just made me feel so damn special
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
