i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
