My sheets look like a crime scene.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
