Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
