Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
