I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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