Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
