my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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