I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
