you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
