They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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