Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
