i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he thought i was a dude.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just blew my weed a kiss
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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