So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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