I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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