halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
