I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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