If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
