why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize