i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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