Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
