the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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