I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
