Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
