a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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