I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
