i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
