Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
