Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
