Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
