Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
