Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
