Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
