Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
