Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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