barbara walters just said penis...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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