We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
