I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
