Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
