Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
