You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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