He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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