Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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