Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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