my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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