If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
