Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
