He uses pillows to masturbate.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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