I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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